Attorneys are too Serious Part II

A lot of attorneys think they are tough guys, especially when dealing with younger attorneys.  Some things tough attorneys do to is younger attorneys is sound serious and try to imply fuck around time is over.  Examples of this -

1.  Referring to opposing counsel in correspondence as "Mr. Faler"

     My Response:  Judges call me Mr., and to everyone else I am Matt. (not entirely true, many of   my   friends call me by a few nicknames, but I do not use them professionally).

2.  Sending Letters on Fancy Stationary

     My Response:  We scan everything, so I will be reading your letter on pdf regardless of the cotton stock.

3.  Attaching a Signed Letter to an Email

     My Response:  This drives me nuts.  I can literally remember the last time I did this (ironically trying to   sound like a hard-ass to a client who hasn't paid his bill yet).  Before that, I cannot recall.  I've heard a bunch of reasons for it, but all of them suck.  If you want to communicate to me something in writing, write an email, put my email address in the send block, and press send.  It is that simple.  The attachment part does not make me read it more attentively, think fuck around time is over, or think wow, so and so must really have the goods on me / my client, so I'd better acquiesce to all their unreasonable demands on the spot.  I have largely instituted a new rule:  opposing counsel gets one email letter attachment, before they get the "I will delete any correspondence attached to an email" schtick.  And I will do it. 

4.  Sending a Signed Letter in an Email from a Secretary

     My Response:  This is not acceptable to me in any way, shape or form.  I by the very nature of my practice am the lead attorney on my cases.  Therefore, I communicate with attorneys only.  Secretaries, paralegals (with a few exceptions usually for trustee personnel) do not send me anything, or more specifically, secretaries who send me attached correspondence drafted by themselves or their superiors will find it deleted and a response sent to the attorney stating as such.  This is done because opposing counsel is trying to show me they are so busy that they can't bother to send an email.  And I delete it because I am too busy to open correspondence from non-attorneys. 

5.  Threatening Sanctions

     My Response:  This is my favorite.  "if you don't do XYZ, I am going to seek sanctions pursuant to whatever section and blah blah blah".  I really love the bolding.  In fact I love all correspondence and pleadings with bolded and italicized parts, it really makes understand how grave the matter at hand is.  Whenever this happens, I always give the same short but LEGALLY CORRECT RESPONSE and this whether it be Cal Civ Pro, FRCP, or FRBP before any motion for sanctions is filed, the moving party must serve the motion on the responding party giving said party an oppurtunity to withdraw the offending pleading.  Therefore my brief responses is "I'll look forward to reading your motion, and then using my safe harbor period to determine what I will do".  To date in 7 seven years of practice I have yet to have a sanctions motion filed against me, nor even one served on me. (I have gotten sanctioned for stupid shit like missing a hearing and not filing status reports, but those occurences are solely my fault). 

6.  Using Some Sort of Stupid Term like "considered you and your client warned" ; "govern yourself accordingly" ; "all legally available remedies under all applicable laws"

    My Responses:  LOL.  Do what you need to do dude, but if you are trying to show me how serious you are try something else, because stuff like this makes me laugh.

Anyway, it is my belief attorneys do and use the above actions to show how serious they are.  I can't speak for others, but I'm fairly positive my reactions and/or opinions of all of the above are in the minority to some degree.

For informations sake I would handle the above situations as follows:

1.  I call people by their first name or any other name that they request.  I use titles for military ranks, doctors, dentists, academics, judges and maybe certain older people.  If you want to be called Mr., too bad.

2.  I don't send letters by snail mail

3.  I do not do this

4.  I would never order a secretary to do this, because I consider this action to be beyond disrespectful.

5.  I don't threaten, if I'm going to do something, I'll do it.  I think I may have served one sanctions motion in 7 years and I believe the issue was resolved without anything being filed.

6.  I usually just say what I am going to do i.e. file xyz motion seeking xyz relief on xyz day.

Now that we have covered, some things I think attorneys do to sound serious, I'm going to mention some things I think serious attorneys should do, to like loosen up and enjoy life more.